Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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