Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
