she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
