He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
