i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
