The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
