How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
