So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
honey bunches of taint.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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