There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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