well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
