oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
