my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize