So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
