State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
this will be a night to untag.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
