I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
