Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
