I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
