An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
