dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
