I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
