One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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