She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
