if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
