big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
