Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize