I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
