Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Randomize
