he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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