Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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