Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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