I skipped work to stalk him.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
