what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I wear drunk well.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
