Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
