Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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