You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
