If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
