How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
