i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize