her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
