community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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