Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
