When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize