i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
