Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i drank out of a bidet.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
