There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize