I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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