I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
