I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
