Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
