Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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