I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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