I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
