i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
