I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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