I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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