craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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