im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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