Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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