I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
