my vag is so smooth its legendary
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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