Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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