I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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