Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
