I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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