Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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